If Your Kid Keeps Telling You “No” - DO THIS NOW!
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This can be frustrating.
The good thing is - I've got 2 options for ya...
You GET TO decide!
Did that make you feel powerful?
(Because being able to decide between two options, makes kids feel POWERFUL.)
That's why my GO-TO for you here is going to be using the power of GIVING CHOICES!
Most of the day, kids are being told what to do...
This makes them feel powerless...
So it's usually only a matter of time before they start fighting to get some of that power back...
Saying, "NO" is one way they fight for power.
Your job - is to not freak out - & just remember what I'm about to tell you...
Avoid the power struggle.
HOW?
>> By giving choices.
When kids get to make a decision (instead of being told what to do), they feel like they have some control/power.
Instead of saying, "Sit down and do this name writing practice."
You could say, "Which writing utensil do you want to use when you work on writing your name today?"
Do you feel the difference there?
That's one option -
GIVING CHOICES for how or what they will use to complete the task...
- Do you want to use a marker or a crayon?
- Do you want to use whisper voices or normal voices?
- Do you want to walk or tip toe?
- Do you want to do yoga with your shoes on or off?
- Do you want to sit by me or your friend?
- Do you want to celebrate with a high five or a hug?
- Do you want to do it by yourself or would you like help?
- Do you want to carry your coat or wear it?
- Do you want to walk by yourself or hold a friend's hand?
- Do you want to go fast or slow?
Another option is -
GIVING CHOICES for the ORDER in which they will complete the tasks.
Instead of saying, "Go hang up your bookbag."
You could say, "Do you want to hang up your bookbag first or your coat?"
- Do you want to clean up the cars or the people first?
- Do you want to put away the markers or paper first?
- Which are you going to start putting away - the cars or the blocks?
- Do you want to brush your teeth before or after you take a bath?
- Do you want to go potty first or get a drink first?
CHANGE IT UP!
They love choosing different choices.
go ahead and GET WILD
with the choices you offer...
Give them choices on ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
(Especially the ones who like to test ya.)
When they get to pick, (even if it's between two options you've come up with)...they will feel like they have the power...
because they get to decide.
Oh, AND REMEMBER...
Kids are kids... and as they grow and learn, they ultimately just try things to see what happens... I know that sounds oversimplified, but I swear, if you think about...
from when they are babies, they start trying things to see what happens...
- What happens if I bang on this?
- What happens if I throw that?
- What happens if I pull mom's hair?
- What happens if I touch this hot cup of tea?
They are figuring out the world by trying things...
So as they get older, it starts to look like:
What happens if I say this?
What happens if I do that?
What happens if I say "no" when they ask me to do something?
(This is your second option, Remember I said you'd have a choice?!)
They want to see what's going to happen...
You're going to surprise them,
by responding differently...
Instead of getting upset,
you have a plan...
so when it happens, you'll be calm.
Ready to hear the plan?
Here's the plan:
They say no.
You smile and say, "Nice try."
... the kid will be like what??
**** And you, again, being empathetic (not sarcastic!)
Say, "Nice try bud, I love you too much to let you act like that... show me how you ___."
(sit the right way -- or whatever you asked them to do originally).
When you don't react, or buy-in, to their attempt...
it won't turn into something bigger than it is.
Because YOU KNOW they are trying stuff... and you're the adult that gets to show them how to get what they want. And, you're going to love them and teach them a better way - when they try the annoying, disruptive, or rude things (like saying "No").
💛Good thing they have you.
