Season 2, Episode 2
Here’s How You Use The Rest of The Class To Help Your One Kiddo That’s Struggling
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Do you have a really tough kiddo in your preschool class?
Enough with the same ol’ tips that don’t work— This is going to be DIFFERENT than any advice you’ve heard before.
What I'm sharing with you today is a beautiful strategy THAT I'VE NEVER TALKED ABOUT BEFORE!!!!! BRAND NEW EXCLUSIVE CONTENT!
I’m going to show you how to approach this problem, IN A COMPLETELY NEW WAY!
We are going to reset the way we think about that tough little buddy of yours AND the way the rest of the kids think about themselves!
GET EXCITED… you’re gonna love this one!
Links Referenced In This Episode:
Instead Of Class Jobs- TRY THIS!
Re-Listen To Episode 2 From Season 1 to get a refresher on ideas for tough behaviors!
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Episode 2
Ah, geez. After that sweet little intro, I feel bad to tell you that I'm the only one here…that's going to be in this episode.
I hope that you’ve listened to episode one — So you've heard the explanation of why Layne won't be here as much this season. But we both committed to making some time to do episodes together. So you'll get to hear from Layne throughout this season.
And if you missed episode one, you should go back and listen for a lot of other reasons.
I'm just going to take a second to tell you about The Pre -K Teacher Family really quick.
And then we're gonna dive into one really special episode here—this is a strategy that I've never even talked about before.
I really think that a lot of you are gonna hear it and try it. And I I can't wait to see and hear and read the messages from you about what happens when you do this in your classroom.
Before we get into all the goodies of this episode,
I just want to answer the question:
Is The Pre -K Teacher Family still a thing?
I know that some of you have been wondering, since the podcast hasn't been going for the last year and a half? Is the family still a membership?
And it totally is.
There are lots of teachers in the family, we would love for you to join.
It's a support group with tons of resources.
And that's not going away. So don't worry, even though the podcast episodes may come and go based on what's happening in my life and Lane's life. The Pre -K Teacher Family is ongoing and it'll always be there for you.
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Do you have one really hard kid?
Maybe they have explosive tantrums, maybe they bolt and someone has to chase them down. (God help you if you have a runner. I can remember crying on my couch many nights when I had my first runner.)
Or maybe you have a kid who hurts other kids in the class. Oh, that could be so stressful.
But today, I'm not going to talk to you about that kid.
Today we're going to talk about how you can use all the other kids in your class to support that little buddy.
Little bit of a curveball here.
But this strategy can be so effective. And it's not always right for every situation. But when it is right, man, the way it all comes together to have all of the other kids in your class step up to support that little buddy.
Instead of the opposite the way things usually go—The class stares at that kid when he or she is having a hard time or the class laughs when that kid does something. Or the class gets scared and starts to fear that little buddy.
In this strategy, we flip all that stuff completely inside out. It is such a beautiful thing. I just knew I had to do an episode on this.
I want to give you encouragement by telling you about something you can try.
That will hopefully bring all of your kids closer.
It will make helpers out of the rest of your kids.
And it will mean a lot — I'm tearing up as I think about how it must feel for the little buddy having a hard time when he or she does their thing for the first time. And all of their peers do something different. Instead of staring or laughing, or pointing or mocking, or mimicking, they do something different, something helpful. Something that could be so powerful to actually change the way that little buddy acts.
You can bring all the other kids in on a plan to support the needs of one student in your class.
And every single one of them will be better for it.
I'm getting goosebumps right now. I can't wait to tell you about this strategy.
So here we go.
Here it is, you're gonna get all the kids in your class to be on your team to work with you on something special. By having a little meeting with them, maybe your para will take a walk with the little buddy, that you're making the plan about. Or if they happen to be absent one day, you could do it then.
But you find a time to have a little pep talk with the other kids in your class, you're going to talk to them about what they can do to support our friend, little buddy.
So you have to think about what your little buddy needs from the rest of your class.
One great strategy to teach them right out of the gate that will work for most situations, is teaching them a skill, a very important skill, a skill that will make things very different.
The next time little buddy has an episode, you're going to teach your students:
how to ignore
kind of crazy, right?
But whether your little buddy is doing things for attention, or maybe a little buddy can be very disruptive. Maybe your little buddy stands up and walks away from the circle and just starts throwing things or dumping out off the crayons or whatever they might get up and do.
It would be really powerful - if your kids could ignore that, right? Wouldn't it?
So when you're ready to teach your students this impressive new skill, here's how you're going to do it.
You're going to talk about it first.
Boys and girls, today I'm going to teach you something really cool. We're going to learn how to do something that's not easy. But I know you can do it. And we're going to practice and you're going to, you're going to be great. And then we're going to get to use our new skill to be very helpful. Someday soon.
Build them up.
Be positive.
Make it feel important.
Kids eat that up…
Set them up to be curious and excited to learn this new skill.
Today we're going to learn how to ignore can you say that with me? Ignore? Does anyone know what it means to ignore? Yes, it means that we're not going to give any attention to it. If we are ignoring something, we are not giving it our attention. We're looking away. We're not talking to it. We're ignoring it. But you know what, sometimes ignoring can be hard to do. Because sometimes we really want to look at things. But even though it can be hard, we're gonna practice it right now. So we're gonna get really good at this, you guys are going to be so good at this, I am so excited.
You're going to set a chair in the middle of the circle.
And then you're going to tell them “okay, friends, here is how we're going to practice ignoring, I'm going to ask someone to come sit right here in this chair. And I'm going to stand behind them. They are going to be looking forward. And I want them to look at me. So I'm going to make some noise. I'm going to call their name, but they are not going to look at me. Why? Because we're practicing ignoring, they're gonna ignore me.
I'm going to be back here and I'm going to try to get them to look at me, but they are going to be ignoring.
So find a kiddo that will help you do this. Set them up in their chair and remind them so you're not going to pay attention to me. You're not going to talk to me, you're going to pretend like I'm not even here. You're gonna pretend like you can't even see me. Like you can't even hear me. You're gonna keep looking forward. You are going to be so good at ignoring me. But I'm going to try to get you to look at me. But I know that you're going to keep looking forward, focusing on what you're supposed to do.
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Your kids, by the way, are gonna love this.
They are going to be giddy. This is so crazy. They have never done anything like this. This is so fun to them.
So you'll call up that first kid and you'll ease into it.
You'll stand behind them maybe say “hey Hey, hey, look over here.” And they'll keep looking forward. And you just sort of move through the process by getting more distracting as you go.
So the first kid, you'll just kind of, “hey, look back here. Wow, this friend is good at ignoring. I am trying to get them to look at me and they are ignoring me.”
You start with kind of a quiet voice hey, you know, they might want to turn their head in the beginning, but you just remind them to keep looking straight. “Don't look, don't look, you're ignoring me way to go. I know, this is so tricky.”
And then as each kid comes up and takes a turn, they're gonna start picking up on it more and more. So you can get a little bit more obnoxious with how you're trying to distract them or get them to look at you by saying their name and saying, “John! Look over here, John, John, come on, look at me!”
And they sort of just this whole thing comes together as they watch each kid ignore and they get a feel for what it is. And then they just, they just understand.
By the way, I can already hear some doubters and haters
and meanies, and whatever's out there who don't understand me, and haven't seen what I can do with a group of kids. I just know that some people are going to hear this and go, “Are you kidding me? She's teaching her kids to IGNORE?”
But it's just, I know that this sounds crazy in the beginning, and I know that you're gonna come along with me this whole episode. And by the end of it, you're gonna be like, “Hmm, this might be a good idea. I think I might try it.”
But I know there's people that are going to be on the outside looking in and say, you know, whatever, whatever negative stuff they want to say.
But if they don't know anything about me, then I would say to them, look into it….ok?
I can make magical things happen in a room of preschool students. And I'm here to show you exactly how to do the same thing.
Once you learn about me, you'll know, I'm not teaching them to ignore me,
I'm teaching them the skill of ignoring,
So that when the time comes, they will be able to ignore a student in our class, who needs to be supported.
And we're gonna do it. For that child.
This whole thing is done from a place of love, and a place of respect.
From an attitude of, yes, my kids can handle this, they can do hard things.
They're going to show everyone that when you go about it in the right way, and you teach kids skills, real important life skills, they will use them the way that you show them to use them.
And they'll take pride in every part of this lesson.
They will feel proud of themselves.
Because they want to be helpful, stop dumbing things down and lowering expectations. Because you're (I’m talking to the doubters, NOT TO YOU!) not helping anyone, that way, our kids will rise to the level that you expect of them. So raise the bar, because they're ready to step up.
And I'm not giving this speech to you.
I'm just saying all those people out there that are going to hear this and, and, and hate on it.
I'm talking to them.
I'm explaining myself for them, not for you, because I know that you already know.
Okay, so back to what I was saying, you're going to teach them the skill of ignoring, and then you're going to explain to them how they'll use this new skill to support someone in our class.
Maybe it's always the same kid. But maybe it's not. Either way, there should be zero negativity in your explanation, which is kind of obvious.
But here's the great thing about kids, they aren't really thinking about other kids, they're mostly thinking about themselves.
So don't worry about if you have to phrase this perfectly correct speech about our little buddy. Save yourself the time and stress
because the other kids don't care that much. And that's great.
Just focus most of what you say on explaining about them… using “you” statements — how YOU can be helpful, YOU are going to do so great.
Just listen for the next time you hear me say “Okay, it's time for us to ignore, and you will know exactly what to do.”
And then the next time our little buddy is having a hard time...
And you want the kids to ignore… Just tell them. “I know we see something happening over there. But we're going to ignore it.”
You can even kind of wink at them and remind them about their special skill and tell them “I know you know how to do it. Let's ignore what's happening over there and keep our eyes right here. Very nice job. Thank you very good ignoring. We're all being so helpful.”
A big part of this strategy is just taking the focus off of our little buddy.
Put the focus on the other kids.
Let them feel pride in having a job where they can be helpful, instead of letting them feel a certain way about a certain little buddy, when they have their tough moments.
Change the way that everyone in the room feels about our little buddy and his hard moments, or her hard moments — reset the way that we think about our little buddy. And the way the kids think about themselves.
Now, the little buddy starts his or her thing.
And all of the other kids are going to get their little cue, like they're on stage. And like we're looking at them. And even if it's just you giving them your attention, they can start worrying about themselves instead of our little buddy. Isn't that great?
Maybe before you would have some kids who see your little buddy having a moment, and then they take the opportunity to misbehave themselves, this strategy will take care of that. Rather than before, when other kids might have felt like, “oh, that kid is not good,” FLIP THAT WHOLE THING.
Let everyone in the class be lifted up the next time little buddy has a moment.
How about that for a hard day's work?
What could be more important than this?
Truly, this kind of strategy is super simple, but it will deeply affect change and positive outcomes with your students.
Now, all of your kids can be helpful in those intense situations when our little buddy needs some support. And they can give it to him or her by letting them breathe, letting them move and do whatever they need to do. Just give the little buddy some space!
We don't have to stare.
Now, we can ignore.
We are getting all of the kids in the class to support that one kid.
So just explain it to them that we all need help sometimes.
Which by the way, if you haven't seen my Instagram post about how I used to do classroom jobs, but hated it for so many reasons, I changed it to a big poster, where I would put each child's picture and what they could help their friends with.
So it would say:
If you need help opening a bottle of glue, ask so and so
If you need help tying a shoe, ask so and so
If you need help zipping your coat, ask so and so
If you need help counting, ask so and so.
And you'll find over time that it gets easy to pick a good job, or you know, role or thing that that every kid can be helpful with.
It's just such a better way to promote kids to help each other and to be helpful
than just a stupid job chart where it takes you more time to do then it takes any kids to do those turn jobs. Take my idea and show your kids that all kids are good at different things.
And we all need help, sometimes.
So that if you were interested in switching up your jobs to something different, you'll see how I did it.
But yeah, I just think it's helpful to explain to all the kids that nobody's good at everything, we all need help sometimes. And that's sort of the angle you can take when you're framing this for your kiddos.
And it really can bring your whole class together by just putting into their heads, that they really need help sometimes, and other kids need help with other things. So this is just one way that we're going to help our little buddy.
And so ignoring is one way that your whole class can help.
But there are more ways to put your other kids to work for the support of that little student.
And one thing is to think about, “okay, what is the behavior that the little buddies doing? And what could the other kids do to help support in that moment.”
So if you have a kid, that's a runner…
You could get all of your other kids on board to help hold his hand whenever you're walking places, or two kids could be on either side and hold hold the little buddy's hand to make it sort of a fun distraction from “Oh, no, you know, we're all waiting for this kid to bolt!”
FLIP that script. Turn it around…
Change it so that your other kids feel like they're being helpful.
And you'll notice that the whole dynamic of the classroom will start to shift.
And it won't just be us and then that hard kid, it'll be “Wow, we can really do something to help him or her. And we know what to do.”
This is so great, because and I know I say it all the time, but kids want to be helpful. They want a job they want to take part in the bigger picture. So yeah, anytime that you can put that to work, do it.
And if you have kids with really tough behaviors:
👉🏼👉🏿👉🏽 You should go back and listen to episode two from season one.
Even if you've listened to it before, it's a really good episode, and you probably have a new kid with a new situation now, so having fresh ears when you listen to that strategy, again, can be very eye opening. And you might hear something that will be a huge game changer.
So, episode two from season one, go back and listen to that one, if you got some tough behaviors.
But I wanted to share THIS strategy,
because it's different…
Instead of focusing on the kid with the behavior, this way, we're flipping things around, and helping you to think about how you can use the other kids in your room to be supportive.
And this can totally be the difference maker.
Like, let me reiterate the example I gave before, because this is, this could be everything.
For someone who has a runner, if you have two kids, who can hold hands with your little buddy, so that they don't start when you're walking to specials, I mean, really think about that.
All of a sudden, this little buddy, who used to run away and be a huge problem…
Because it's just stressful. Any way you look at it, when you have a kid that bolts, the adults in the room are going to be tense.
But then wham!
You try this totally new strategy.
And all of a sudden, that little buddy is connecting with his or her peers.
Rather than feeling disconnected from the whole group.
It's just such a beautiful thing.
Like, let's bring it in for a group hug with this strategy. You know, I mean, are you feeling me on this? Bring us all closer together to help every kid in the class.
It's just a new perspective, a new way to look at this “problem” or whatever we’re going to call that tough kid, we're going to refer to them as “our little challenge”…
I like “little buddy.” So that's what I call them. My little buddy.
And I'm going to close this episode with a few reviews or well, not even formal reviews about the Calm Classroom Course. But these are just people I've talked to in the last weekend. These are like just over the last few days.
First of all, I couldn't be more proud.
But also, I think that you hearing from other teachers who have taken the course, it's the best way for you to make a decision for yourself.
So Annemarie wrote this awesome email, I feel like we're best friends, actually… she was telling me all about how her and her assistant teacher send my videos to each other and how they just laugh. And then she said, she took my course. And she was talking about it so much that her assistant signed up. And they both taken it, and they loved it. And it was the sweetest thing.
But at the end of the email, she said:
So I'm going to frame that and put it on my wall. 😊 Thank you, Anne Marie.
And then this next one is from an amazing director, who has signed up so many teachers in her center to take my course. And she sent me this message:
🤗 You've heard me say that my sole purpose is to make you a better teacher.
And getting to talk to teachers that take my course is truly the highlight of everything that I do.
Just knowing that they're getting the help that they need is enough for me to keep awkwardly talking about it. 😂 This is awkward for me, but I will keep talking about it because I know it will help you and I want to get the message out to every teacher that needs the help.
So if it's something that you need, click on the link, send me a message on instagram, I'm happy to talk to you. I just want to make sure that everyone knows that it's there because it will help you if you need it.
And here's your reminder to enter the Litezilla giveaway.
They are giving away three of the Litezilla Mini boards, (which is what I have at my house.)
You've probably seen it on my Instagram. If not, I'll put a bunch of links in the show notes.
You should check out their website Litezilla.com which is perfect for this episode because the Litezilla boards provide so much STEM and sensory benefits for all ages.
So you know all of our little buddies out there that we've been talking about this whole episode would absolutely benefit from getting their hands on a Litezilla Mini.
Make sure that you enter the giveaway.
I am On their website right now, it says The winners will be announced October 1.
So get yourself in the Litezilla Mini giveaway contest.
Ah, there are links to everything in the show notes.
And I'm also adding a link to a blog post that I did about Litezilla.
I talked all about how it's a toy for people of all ages.
The pins, the light pins can all be easily washed and cleaned in the dishwasher. How cool is that?
There's pictures of kids at my house using our Litezilla Mini at my birthday party. It was a huge hit.
Make sure to click on that blog post: MY BLOG POST ABOUT LITEZILLA
I talked about how from your two year old son to your Great Aunt Linda with the bad hip.
There's fun to be had by all with the Litezilla Mini and that is the truth people.
I'm telling you go into the Litezilla mini giveaway right now.
Don't miss it. They're giving away three of them!
